I’ve been a naughty girl. Yes, you’re allowed to read that exactly how I meant it. And I will keep being a naughty girl. A bad bad girl. Woof. Woof
Disclaimer, I do not have low self-esteem, I do not have low self-worth. I own a mirror and I listen. I know what I look like, I know what society thinks and believes of people like me and who look like me. I listen, so I know what you guys say of women who live like I want to, whose lives are theirs, who ride wild horses, who stretch and take shots, who hex and twerk, who orgasm and get PhDs. I’m not hating on makeup girlies: I’m learning how to beat my face. I’m advocating for the rights of women to exist in our ‘ugliness’. And yes, references at the end of the article.
Letter two
Dear 25-year-old Gladys, by now you’ve learnt you don’t fit in and by refusing to fit in you’ll pay dearly for that.
You have fine dark skin on your face, chocolate on your neck and light on your arms. You refuse to balance it out. You refuse to ‘even’ your skin out. Don’t you know, the price of vitamin C and glutamine has decreased?
By making peace with your skin, its flaws and all, you my dear will be shunned. We don’t want that for you, please consider finding professional help.
Often used as the standard of people who are “so beautiful” but are not confident enough in their beauty.
You, my dear, don’t mind being fat. Now, I know you move your body, I know you eat well and I know your cardio is improving. Don’t you know your value, the respect accorded, age, lovability, and courses, are determined by the flatness of your belly, the thinness of your arms, and the thickness of your bunda? Don’t you know chubby faces are only cute on babies?
You my dear eat and drink knowledge. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you open your mouth, quick to correct men, quick to laugh and question what you call backward, weird, and what’s this word… Misogyny, misogynoir? Yeah. You are quick to call bull and you run your mouth, a lot. That’s not ladylike. Don’t you know a lady’s voice is only valuable if she speaks softly and sparsely? Don’t you know you risk chasing your soulmate, the man meant to make your life easier by running your mouth like that? You must, my dear, smile with a man who claims to have read 48 Laws of Power, who believes fiction is a waste of time and poetry is a nerd thing. You must clap for a man who’s only read Think and Grow Rich. Do not mention poverty is systemic, capitalism exists to put us down, maybe you can hint at poverty mind-set, and financial trauma but even then remember to hint not tell him, men should feel they discovered everything.
Imagine publicly admitting you’d only consider marriage upon getting a master’s. Imagine daring to only accept marriage proposals if the marriage allows for you to pursue yourself and a PhD! What kind of a woman thinks of a PhD? What kind of a woman expects that in their prenuptial? Will you have enough time to give birth and take care of your HUussBAnd? I forgot, you also choose companionship over a normal marriage.
Shannies your mouth is moving a lot. Yapper yapper. Shut it, please.
You my dear have chosen freedom, partnership, growth and companionship over marriage. At this point, you’re 90% sure you do not want kids. And the 10% you’re sure you would only have kids via adoption or stepmother. Who do you think will love you? Don’t you know those are silly thoughts that should end at 25 to ensure you get married before 27? Don’t you know if you find the right Man you’ll change your mind, because the right man sets a woman straight, and yes I mean it sexually too: it’s time you got rid of that bisexuality.
Have you heard of the phrase, face card does not decline? You see my dear, with just a little bit of contour, a little blush and a little highlighter yours would land you in the arms of that boy you have a crush on. Life would be so easy if your face was palatable. If your hair is straight, maybe don’t wear your afro every day, don’t you know by the third hour it looks dirty and tacky? Also, it would be so nice if you showed your curves more, men love that. Especially African men with money who want to make your life easier. If only you could smile more, and do your hair well, hold it in a bun or something. Try and bask in your femininity, don’t you know Femininity is the door that opens every lock? Don’t you know softness is eluding and catchy? You’re not badly off, you’re soft with kids, your inner-child and with friends, you just have to use it to take a man and to keep him. You must not look like you know everything, you must lead with ease and flow and softness, not the kind from spirituality, I told you to stop those witchy behaviours, but more from what a man wants. You must not look like you want money but you must motivate your man to make more money.
Only a few walk the path you’ve chosen. You therefore must be brave, courageous, patient, and smart. You will need therapy, you will need friends, you will need your ancestors, guides and angels. Above all, you will need trust. Self-trust. You must believe in your story, in your journey, in your purpose and your dreams. You must trust your process and you must trust your gut. I wish you the very best.
Reference
On wild women, nakedness, marriage and kids expectations, women who refuse to settle.
On existing as desirable but not chosen. Liked, teased even tolerated but never the chosen on.
On society choosing lighter skinned people. Effects of colourism.
Why you should rock your Afro 🪮
Fascism thriving on women’s self doubt. Your position as a single-child free woman.
I do not dream of Marriage and kids, Now what?
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