I’m twenty four as I write this, unlike the other letters, I write not from wisdom but fear. Fear of the future. Fear of the past catching up with us and fear of inaction. I know actions have consequences. I know inaction has consequences too. For example, last year we attended Macondo Literary Festival, you had things to write, joy to share, but you didn’t review the event on time. A few weeks later a gig to attend and review Nairobi Film Week was passed on. This year, you failed to check your mail and a chance to have your article edited and published passed. My dear, I beg you, please, please my love please, this has to stop. Procrastinating. Inaction. Confusion. Decisiveness. Laziness. It has to stop.
It’s part self doubt and part indecisiveness. By now you know everything you’ve set your eyes on, with harm to none, you have received it. Does the dream scare you? Are you afraid of the dream or are you afraid of the consequences of the dream? Or, don’t you trust yourself? Don’t you trust your process? Because you know, you know, a clear goal and poof! Everything you need appears. Make up your mind and do it fast.
I don’t know how. But you have, you must stop. You spent the weekend at a friend’s place. A weekend of love, laughter, banter, and tears. Your friends gladly wipe your tears but deep down you know it’s time to stop. To being the girl crying in a corner somewhere. It’s time for this version of you to die. It’s time for you to shed off versions of you that no longer serve you.
My dear, I know you’ll be okay. You’ve always been okay. Things will align. Things always align for you. You will feel motivated, you will see the whole path but for now, you must trust the small steps.
Yours sincerely,
24 year old you.
This letter has been influenced by some chaos that seems to never leave. I have decided to leave it, I don’t know how, but I know I must leave. It has also been influenced by Execution a letter in Akwa Eke Emezi book Dear Senthuran , It is you against yourself a substack by Catherine Shannon and a poem about saving yourself by Adele Onyango.